Kerry P. Burtis and his lawyers, Eden Rose Brown and P. Freeman Green, are suing his brother Robert J. Burtis for libel and defamation over a web site Robert has published detailing a dispute over the trust and estate of their deceased Aunt, Elizabeth McGuinness.

Judge Judy has volunteered to adjudicate this matter in a Marion County court in the state of Oregon, which is home to the plaintiffs and the deceased Ms. McGuinness. The judge had declared a 15 minute recess and the hearing was now ready to resume.

Judge Judy returns to the courtroom from her chambers and the Bailiff announces:

Bailiff: "All rise!"

As Judge Judy takes her seat behind the bench, the Bailiff says: "You may be seated."

Judge Judy: "Thank you, Bailiff. After listening to some of the preceding testimony I had a terrible migraine. I just needed a few moments to relax, a couple Advil, and a shot of Captain Morgan. I was fresh out of Captain Morgan, but the Advil helped and I am now ready to proceed."

The Judge turns her gaze to the plaintiffs.

Judge Judy: "Were you folks able to sort out some of your stories during the recess?"

Kerry: "I'm not sure what you mean, your Honor...."

Judge Judy: "Well, you told Robert to contact your attorneys, knowing full well they would not answer any of his questions and P. Freeman Green told him he had no right to pre-death information. THEN you told everyone that you were willing to provide pre-death information, but only if beneficiaries who were NOT interested didn't have to pay for it. Robert agreed to your terms, and now when I asked you how long it might take to prepare and deliver that information, you told us Robert could not have any pre-death information, even though you were willing to provide it. You're not making any sense, Mr. Burtis."

P. Freeman Green: "It makes perfect sense to me, Judge!"

Judge Judy: "Of course it does, Mr. Green. Mr. Burtis, remind me why would you state that you are willing and able to prepare and deliver the pre-death information and then refuse to do so?"

Kerry: "I AM willing to prepare the pre-death information, as long as Robert is willing to pay all of the expenses for doing so. But he cannot HAVE that information. Section 1.07 of the Trust Agreement states-"

Judge Judy: "Are you on any medication? You should be! What's the name of this law firm - Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe?"

Judge Judy then looks to her right to address the defendant, Robert Burtis.

Judge Judy: "Is this what you've been putting up with all year, Mr. Burtis?

Robert: "It gets much worse, your Honor."

Judge Judy: "I know I'm going to regret this, but please tell me more..."

Robert: "When my brother took Elizabeth McGuinness from her home and family in Florida, she already had a will in place which bequeathed most of her assets and property to her son, Charles. Kerry brought her across the country to Eden Rose Brown who then rewrote Liz's will to give the majority of her estate to Kerry P. Burtis."

Judge Judy: "Well, Robert, if that was what your Aunt wanted-"

Robert: "Our Aunt was seriously ill with advanced Alzheimer's disease. She was under treatment and taking medication for Alzheimer's, and as you can see from depositions I gave you earlier from her doctor and Charles McGuinness, Elizabeth was experiencing frequent memory lapses, personality changes, and behavioral symptoms of an elderly woman with dementia who was not capable of making such decisions."

Judge Judy: (Turning to the Plaintiffs) "Ms. Brown, were you aware of Ms. McGuinness' condition when you authored her Revised Trust Agreement in 2008?"

Eden Rose Brown: "Oh, yes. Kerry mentioned that she was on some kind of medication - but who isn't these days?"

Gloria: (Gloria quickly raises her hand and stands up to say-) "I've been on antidepressants for several years now, your Honor."

Judge Judy: "Thank you, Mrs. Burtis. Why am I not surprised? Nevertheless, Eden Rose, standard procedure in this type of case requires-"

The Judge suddenly notices a heavy set man in an expensive suit seated next to Gloria who was not there before the recess.

Judge Judy: "Mr. Burtis, who is the man sitting next to your wife at the Plaintiff's table?"

Eden Rose Brown answers: "Your Honor, I have asked an associate of mine to join us as co-counsel in this lawsuit. He is a legal representative with the Oregon State Bar Association."

Judge Judy: "Very well, then. Please have him stand up and introduce himself to the court."

He stands up to say: "Thank you, your honor. My name is Crane. Denny Crane. I am with the law firm of Crane, Poole & Schmidt"

Judge Judy: "No, you are not, sir. You are William Shatner, you're an actor, and you are most certainly not a lawyer. Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting. So tell me why you are here - what's your point?"

Denny Crane: "You are correct, your honor. I am not really an attorney, but based upon my experience on 'Boston Legal', I was hired by the Oregon State Bar Association as a celebrity liaison legal consultant and was assigned to assist the Eden Rose Brown law firm in their case against Robert Burtis."

Judge Judy: "From what we have seen and heard from Eden Rose Brown so far, this should be a match made in heaven. Very well. Let's return to our discussion regarding the competency of Ms. McGuinness.(The Judge turns her attention back to Eden Rose Brown) Ms. Brown, you say you were aware that Elizabeth was on medication; certainly you followed standard procedures and had Ms. McGuinness' condition assessed by competent medical and psychiatric professionals, before rewriting her existing Revocable Trust Agreement."

Eden Rose Brown: "Your Honor, under Section 1.07, beneficiaries are not entitled to any information, notice or reports-"

Judge Judy: "Perhaps beneficiaries are not, but in my court, I AM! And as an officer of the court, you are required to abide by established standard protocols that have been put in place to prevent the financial abuse of senior citizens who may not be competent to make important decisions regarding their property, assets and estate. So did you have Ms. McGuinness assessed by medical professionals to assure that she was truly of 'sound mind and body'?"

Eden Rose Brown: "Of course, your Honor. (Eden Rose holds up a document as she speaks.) We have a standard assessment procedure in place and Ms. McGuiness passed this test with flying colors."

Judge Judy: "May I see that document?"

Eden Rose Brown hesitates, but when the bailiff walks over to retrieve it, she hands it to him. The bailiff walks the document across the room and gives it to the Judge. She quickly scans it, and raises her eyebrows as she returns her gaze to Ms. Brown.

Judge Judy: "This is it? This is the whole assessment? There are five questions:

1. 1. What is your name?
2. 2. What year is this?
3. 3. What country do you live in?
4. 4. What is your favorite color?
5. 5. Who is your favorite nephew?

Kerry: "Elizabeth did very well, your Honor. She had a little trouble with, 'What country do you live in?' (He nervously laughs...) She thought it was 'Florida'."

Gloria quickly stands up to add: "She forgot that we had moved her to Oregon to baby-sit our kids, your Honor. Her answer should have been Oregon, not Florida."

Judge Judy: (To Gloria) "I think you ought to be quiet. You know, we don't need anybody stirring up the pot. You're a pot-stirrer."

Denny Crane: "Your Honor, if I may - the only one stirring any pots around here is the defendant. He filed a frivolous complaint against Mr. Green and this respected law firm with the Oregon State Bar Association based on nothing but opinions, conjecture, and whimsy. I was assigned to advise the lovely Ms. Brown and we rejected Mr. Burtis' ridiculous claims immediately."

Judge Judy turns to Robert for confirmation.

Judge Judy: "Is this true, Robert? Did you file a complaint and was it rejected?"

Robert: "Yes, your Honor. We were told that they would not consider my complaint because we were unable to present any evidence to support it, when in fact, that was the basis of the complaint - that the Eden Rose Brown law firm would not answer any questions or provide any information pertaining to the management of the trust, even after telling us that they were willing to prepare and deliver it to us."

Denny Crane: "We did advise Eden Rose that authoring the revised trust and appointing herself the Trust Protector for the estate could be perceived by some as a conflict of interest."

Judge Judy: "Yes, Mr. Crane, and it would certainly seem that way to me. And this is why Ms. Brown retroactively resigned from the position she now says she never accepted in the first place. Is that right, Eden Rose?"

Eden Rose Brown: "I have not served as Trust Protector of this trust, and although the Trust appoints me as Trust Protector, I cannot accept that appointment or act in the capacity of Trust Protector, because to do so would be a potential conflict of interest."

Judge Judy: "And just when did you make this announcement, Ms. Brown?"

Eden Rose Brown: "In July of this year."

Judge Judy: "So you waited two years to announce that you would not accept your own appointment as Trust Protector which you yourself wrote into the Revocable Trust Agreement in July of 2008, correct?"

Eden Rose Brown: "That's right, your Honor."

Judge Judy: "No, Ms. Brown, that is NOT right. That's WRONG! You rewrote a Trust Agreement for an elderly woman with Alzheimer's disease, appointed yourself as the Trustee Protector, gave most of her estate to her nephew, and then wrote a clause into the agreement meant to protect you and the Trustee from ever having to explain any of your actions. When Captain Kirk here saw a conflict of interest, you tried to backpedal your way out and ended up looking both foolish and incompetent."

Denny Crane: "You Honor, I am here as 'Denny Crane' on behalf of the Oregon State Bar Association. I would appreciate it if you would show me the respect due-"

Judge Judy: "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining, Mr. Crane. You're a bad actor and a worse lawyer, but at least you're in good company."

Kerry: "May I speak, your Honor?"

Judge Judy: "By all means, Mr. Burtis. You're the reason we are all here today. State your case against your brother."

Kerry: "Our lawsuit is against Robert for libel and defamation. These other issues are not even relevant. The actions of Eden Rose Brown and P. Freeman Green and my decisions as Trustee have no place in this courtroom because Robert and the other nine beneficiaries have no right to ANY pre-death information about this trust. None. Zip. Nada."

At this, Robert stands up to say:

Robert: "Your Honor, there could be a million dollars missing from our Aunt's estate. There could be TEN million dollars that-"

Judge Judy: "Hey! QUIET! You'll have a chance to respond; let him finish!"

Kerry: "Thank you, Judge. This is the kind of lunacy I've had to deal with over the past year. I'm done with Rob's insanity! His claims border on absurdity and he continues attacking me and making me out to be some kind of evil, conniving creature. He has woven a sordid and complex theory of trust mismanagement, real estate scheming, and general abuse of my beloved aunt Liz and her estate. I have been subjected to Robert's outrageous and idiotic claims and all of his misguided theories of conspiracy and evil wrong doings. I never in my wildest dreams or nightmares could have imagined the insane and obnoxious digital tongue-lashing that I have had to put up with."

Judge Judy: "Do you feel better now, Mr. Burtis? That was quite a rant..."

Gloria: "If anyone brought money into this relationship, it was I. My parents gave us a large sum of money, and my wealthy uncle gifted me as well. Trust me... it didn't come from the Burtis side."

Judge Judy: "What's your point, Mrs. Burtis?"

Gloria: "I'm not quite sure - I just want it on the record that the Burtis family is a bunch of losers, low lifes, and wack jobs."

Judge Judy: "Duly noted - now please sit down and shut up! Alright, Robert - what do you have to say in your defense? These charges are serious."

Robert: "Your Honor, slander, libel and defamation are generally defined as knowingly disseminating untrue information with malicious intent. I have absolutely no malice towards Kerry or his lawyers. Anything I have written, spoken, or published is based upon the only information available to me. Requests for more information have been rebuked, stonewalled or simply ignored. And even though Kerry and P. Freeman Green have said they were willing to prepare and provide a full accounting of the estate, they nevertheless refuse to do so, even after I agreed to pay for any and all expenses incurred."

Judge Judy: "Alright - I think I've heard enough. I am ready to make my decision in this matter."

"Kerry P. Burtis and his lawyers do not like the information which Robert J. Burtis has posted on numerous web sites on the Internet and they feel it libels and defames them without cause. Robert claims his web sites reflect the truth as he sees it based on the information, facts, and documents available to him. Both P. Freeman Green and Kerry P. Burtis have agreed in writing to provide a full accounting of the estate, as long as any expenses incurred are billed only to those individuals requesting that information and Robert has agreed to pay any and all such expenses on his own."

"And yet, both Kerry P. Burtis and P. Freeman Green still refuse to provide any pre-death information. And without that information, the Plaintiffs cannot prove that any of the web site information is untruthful or inaccurate. Lacking evidence to the contrary, Robert's web sites are not libelous and he cannot be sued for defamation. This case is dismissed. The plaintiffs lose. Furthermore, Eden Rose Brown and P. Freeman Green should be ashamed. They are a disgrace to the legal profession."

"And Kerry P. Burtis, you do a grave disservice to your Aunt, your brothers and sisters, your family, and yourself. You must have an awful lot to hide. You tell the beneficiaries you will give them the information they have requested, and then you refuse to do so. You are a hypocrite and a liar. Money comes and money goes, but you will have to live with whatever it is you have done for the rest of your life."

"And your wife is a wack job."

"Case closed."

The End.